OT: SPS advice needed. This seemed like the place to go for help.
- Thread starter OldFatDog
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And if she gives you hell about the upper decker, next time disconnect the chain before you drop one in the tank.
Point of clarification please
Is this the house that used to belong to you and its was lost in the settlement? If yes, you do not need to ask permission. Simply go inside with the kids and make your way to any of the non-bed room bathrooms.
If this is a new abode, still use the kids as shields. It works in the Middle East, it will work with Taliban ex wives.
Speaking from experience here. I'm still at war after 13 years, but I think I'm finally on the offensive.
Is this the house that used to belong to you and its was lost in the settlement? If yes, you do not need to ask permission. Simply go inside with the kids and make your way to any of the non-bed room bathrooms.
If this is a new abode, still use the kids as shields. It works in the Middle East, it will work with Taliban ex wives.
Speaking from experience here. I'm still at war after 13 years, but I think I'm finally on the offensive.
Pro-Tip...
Bust up in her house in a total tizzy. Make sure you are squarely in the house, not on the front porch.
Look her dead in the eyes and frantically say "I'm going to take a ****. Where do you want me to do it?"
I guarantee you she will point to the bathroom.
Don't flush.
Bust up in her house in a total tizzy. Make sure you are squarely in the house, not on the front porch.
Look her dead in the eyes and frantically say "I'm going to take a ****. Where do you want me to do it?"
I guarantee you she will point to the bathroom.
Don't flush.
Next time, **** in a box
seal it up wth note - "There's a **** storm coming, with love, UGGA". Send it c/o Hugh Freeze, world's greatest recruiter, The University of Ole Miss.
seal it up wth note - "There's a **** storm coming, with love, UGGA". Send it c/o Hugh Freeze, world's greatest recruiter, The University of Ole Miss.
Sounds like another Ryan's Steakhouse incident. (HILARIOUS MUST READ).
http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html
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How did we ever truly clean our asses with dry old toilet paper? WE DIDN'T! My son is 12 and I've been using wipes for 12 years. Wish I had been the one to invent the flushable ones. Damn. Another opportunity wasted!
I second this. All the hand wringing the past two months, we absolutely needed this. Until our basketball team is watchable again one post like this a week is a necessity between Bowl Game and NSD.
Go fishing. Catch a fish. Place the fish under the seat of her car then go home and take a **** in the comfort of your own home. This will be far worse for her and even better for you.
If he used to live in that house, he'll have to take a dump every time he stops by.
At least that's how it works for me --- everytime I go to my parents house or get anywhere near an old apartment I used to live in, I'm overcome with a sudden urge to take a dump.
At least that's how it works for me --- everytime I go to my parents house or get anywhere near an old apartment I used to live in, I'm overcome with a sudden urge to take a dump.
It is hilarious. My favorite line is about "the move"!
I began "The Move."
For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones *** toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of **** at the exact same second that ones *** is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.
I began "The Move."
For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones *** toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of **** at the exact same second that ones *** is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a skilled ballet dancer.
Ok, here's what you do...
Next time you're able to get in that bathroom:
First, turn the water off to the toilet tank. Next, flush and empty the bowl. Sit facing the tank and take a dump in the semi-dry bowl (the key here is facing the tank so that the turd(s) get stuck on the front gentle slope of the bowl). Finally, fire up a smoke, take a few drags, put it out in the pile, close the lid, and walk away. As you walk away, take pleasure in the fact that once your deed has been discovered, she'll be jiggling the hell outta that toilet handle desperately trying to make it flush (similar to the scene with Harry from Dumb and Dumber) and by the time the water gets cut back on, she'll need to use a little elbow grease to remove the lingering dried mud slide on the front part of the bowl.
Your welcome,
DF
Next time you're able to get in that bathroom:
First, turn the water off to the toilet tank. Next, flush and empty the bowl. Sit facing the tank and take a dump in the semi-dry bowl (the key here is facing the tank so that the turd(s) get stuck on the front gentle slope of the bowl). Finally, fire up a smoke, take a few drags, put it out in the pile, close the lid, and walk away. As you walk away, take pleasure in the fact that once your deed has been discovered, she'll be jiggling the hell outta that toilet handle desperately trying to make it flush (similar to the scene with Harry from Dumb and Dumber) and by the time the water gets cut back on, she'll need to use a little elbow grease to remove the lingering dried mud slide on the front part of the bowl.
Your welcome,
DF
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Hold on a second here...
So, are you saying you're not gonna **** again until Sunday afternoon? If that's the case, you really should upper deck the hall toilet.
So, are you saying you're not gonna **** again until Sunday afternoon? If that's the case, you really should upper deck the hall toilet.
Flushables asswhipes have saved me from buying a lot of monkey butt paste. Boudreauxs butt paste!!
Point of geographical order
I've read the thread twice, and some clarifiction is requested.
How can you live in Nashville and drop off the kids 20 minutes away, and pinch the loaf on the side of I55?
I've read the thread twice, and some clarifiction is requested.
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