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OT: SPS advice needed. This seemed like the place to go for help.

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OldFatDog

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Aug 22, 2012
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The scenario: Married for 20 years, divorced for 5. Dropped kids off at her house at 5:15. I live 20 minutes away. Walk up to the door with kids, politely ask if I can use the bathroom ("I need to take a ****", to be precise). My ex tells me no and says that "there is a Jitney Junior around the corner". She seemingly is concerned that my **** aroma will interfere with her dinner date with the new boyfriend, scheduled toarrive at 6. I say "really" then hug and kiss kids get in truck to head home. After about 5 miles, I **** on the side of I55.

I anticipate needing to **** again when dropping off kids. Any advice?
 
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DawgatAuburn

DawgatAuburn

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Apr 25, 2006
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"I need to take a ****" is not politely asking if you can use the bathroom. Could be your problem.

Also, next time just tell her you need to pee, then take a dump. Don't flush.
 
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Optimus Prime 4

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May 1, 2006
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OldFatDog said:
The scenario: Married for 20 years, divorced for 5. Dropped kids off at her house at 5:15. I live 20 minutes away. Walk up to the door with kids, politely ask if I can use the bathroom ("I need to take a ****", to be precise). My ex tells me no and says that "there is a Jitney Junior around the corner". She seemingly is concerned that my **** aroma will interfere with her dinner date with the new boyfriend, scheduled toarrive at 6. I say "really" then hug and kiss kids get in truck to head home. After about 5 miles, I **** on the side of I55.

I anticipate needing to **** again when dropping off kids. Any advice?
Click to expand...

If you drive an RV you always have a toilet
 
PBRME

PBRME

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Feb 12, 2004
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**** in one hand and wish in the other?

 
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missouridawg

missouridawg

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Oct 6, 2009
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DawgatAuburn said:
"I need to take a ****" is not politely asking if you can use the bathroom. Could be your problem.

Also, next time just tell her you need to pee, then take a dump. Don't flush.
Click to expand...

i think an upper decker is warranted if permission is granted next time.
 
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DerHntr

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Sep 18, 2007
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Fan17ingtastic

Tell her you need to piss next time and hope for a speed ****. Bring flushable asswipes with you so that you don't need to spend time on the paperwork. Plus every day is a good day with *** wipes. Don't leave home without them.
 
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OldFatDog

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Aug 22, 2012
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DawgatAuburn, you make a good point. Though, we have always had very relaxed shitting at the ex's home policies. The casual approach has been our practice.
 
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DAWG61

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Feb 26, 2008
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Fill the kids bellies with lots of taco bell 30 minutes before arrival next time. They all will have to **** soon after you drop them off. Make it a fun contest to see who can eat the most tacos for $20.
 
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OldFatDog

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Aug 22, 2012
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I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.
 
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CadaverDawg

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Dec 5, 2011
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OldFatDog said:
I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.
Click to expand...

This is 17ing great.
 
ckDOG

ckDOG

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Dec 11, 2007
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This guy needs to post more.

OldFatDog said:
I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.
Click to expand...

10/10, sir.
 
B

BigMotherTucker

Sophomore
Aug 20, 2006
6,755
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Next time you head her way...
A) give me a call, I'll ride with you
B) give me enough notice so I can knock out a bowl of lucky charms and a cup of yogurt
C) ill happily drop a bucket of chum in her pot for you
D) rinse and repeat when needed

I'm here for you bud
 
C

Crazy Cotton

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Aug 26, 2012
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and I thought i was the only one

DerHntr said:
Fan17ingtastic

Tell her you need to piss next time and hope for a speed ****. Bring flushable asswipes with you so that you don't need to spend time on the paperwork. Plus every day is a good day with *** wipes. Don't leave home without them.
Click to expand...


I have them in my truck, in my desk at work, in every bathroom in the house. These things have changed my life for the better.
 
Uncle Ruckus

Uncle Ruckus

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Apr 1, 2011
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Don't do it. You remember what happened to the guy who was poo-poo'n in Jurassic Park? I imagine it would go something like that if you were caught makin a dookie stink.
 
HD6

HD6

Sophomore
Apr 8, 2003
10,019
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So when you say drop off the kids, you had a double meaning?
 
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Nugdawg

Senior
Mar 3, 2008
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Next time take a brown paper sack with you. Stop down the street from her house and **** in the bag before you get there. When you go to the door, hand her the bag with the top folded down and hand it to her saying, "This is the rest of my **** you were to get in the divorce." Turn and walk away.
 
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MSUFORLIFE

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Sep 12, 2012
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This is gold. Best post I think I have ever read on here. Dying laughing right now. Well done sir!
 
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Apoplectic_Objurgator

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Nov 16, 2012
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OldFatDog said:
I don't know squat about posting pictures so let's go with this. Picture a young Heather Locklear. Imagine her gettin a little old but still hot enough to make millions of dollars. Picture her mansion. Picture the second best looking maid working inside the mansion. And I think you have it.
Click to expand...

The pool boy
- signed OP4
 
Dawgbite

Dawgbite

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Nov 1, 2011
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Laughing so hard

I had to stop reading half way through and go take a ****. Gotta love an iPad!
 
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