OT: What is the greatest 1 liner your HS Football Coach ever said
- Thread starter DISTRICT DOG
- Start date
- Status
i really hope most of you didn't actually attend MSU. getting your and you're right is not that 17-ing hard.
a time he was coaching as a big underdog. he had the other team on the ropes and he said he stared the other coach down across the field. he clinched his thumb and ring finger together and said 'and i saw his butthole get this tight.' i nearly lost it.
Are you seriously lecturing people on grammar?
http://sixpackspeak.yuku.com/reply/525773#reply-525773
</p>
http://sixpackspeak.yuku.com/reply/525773#reply-525773
</p>
We won one game in 85 and one in 86, both of them the first game against Saint Al, and it was all downhill from there. PB was getting to be a pretty bitter old turd by then. Comes into the field house after the last home loss, shakes his head and says real apologetically, "well fellas, guess I can't make chicken salad outa chicken ****."
Me and another guy alternated running in plays. PB would grab your face-mask and press his mouth to the ear-hole and holler in the play. He also had a massive chew of RedMan in his cheek. By the end of a game, both of us had a sticky brown circle of juice around the ear hole of our white helmets - the other team gave us no end of hell about it.
Me and another guy alternated running in plays. PB would grab your face-mask and press his mouth to the ear-hole and holler in the play. He also had a massive chew of RedMan in his cheek. By the end of a game, both of us had a sticky brown circle of juice around the ear hole of our white helmets - the other team gave us no end of hell about it.
when I was there. Another of Gatwoods was when somebody jumped offsides or blew an assignment he would always ask "what the hells wrong with you, constipated on macaroni and thinking about Texas again?" I don't have a clue what that was supposed to mean......
They went from the penthouse to the ****-house
If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle
And my all time favorite (telling us not to get into fights, etc.): If he calls you a pie-eatin' sumbitch, ask him what flavor
If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle
And my all time favorite (telling us not to get into fights, etc.): If he calls you a pie-eatin' sumbitch, ask him what flavor
1.Justice had many more classics, but a ted taylor quote comes to mind. A buddy of mine fell asleep in a defense meeting during 3-a-days. Taylor runs over and sledge hammers the desk and he shoots up. Taylor screams at the top of his lungs, "Gd (redacted), when you fall asleep in team meeting your 17ing the team. Your 17ing everyone of these guys sitting around you. Not only that, but your 17ing me, and when you 17 me you better bring vasoline and kiss me first"
At the moment we were all to shocked/scared to laugh
2. State championship run in 99 justice got real into himself. He was giving a speech on believing in the system and got all off track. "When i was a kid i didnt believe in the gd toothfairy. The easter bunny, jesus h christ. And chris (spencer), youre a gigantic black man,did you believe in santa claus? (everyone laughs) I mean, a gd fatass white man came down your chimny and brings you ****; for free!"
At the moment we were all to shocked/scared to laugh
2. State championship run in 99 justice got real into himself. He was giving a speech on believing in the system and got all off track. "When i was a kid i didnt believe in the gd toothfairy. The easter bunny, jesus h christ. And chris (spencer), youre a gigantic black man,did you believe in santa claus? (everyone laughs) I mean, a gd fatass white man came down your chimny and brings you ****; for free!"
"Boy you look like a spotte *** ape running down the field"
"You look like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest"
He use ot say this **** every practice along with trying to teach us to do a reverse body block which was absolute horseshit.
"You look like a one legged man in a butt kicking contest"
He use ot say this **** every practice along with trying to teach us to do a reverse body block which was absolute horseshit.
any time someone was hurt and need assistance getting up (no trainers)..... "Get up...... you're killing MY damn grass".
JC coach after our only real option at Quarterback was hurt (tore up his knee for the second time and 40 years ago this was a career ending injury) on the absolutely first play from scrimmage in pads in fall practice...after looking at him rolling on the ground and in obvious pain for probably five seconds said...."Just get the SOB out of the way, we got some practicing to do."
I just think what the 17 have I gotten into..........just never forgot that moment....I knew the fun of football was over.
Funniest thing was HC baseball coach. During infield ball came in and hits catcher in forehead and leaves the imprint of the seams on his head...knocks him down and take a minute for him to get up. Coach asks the player if a certain player is still ugly. Catcher said "yep". Coach said "He's ok" Both are friends of mine and recently laughed about that incident. And yes he's still ugly.
JC coach after our only real option at Quarterback was hurt (tore up his knee for the second time and 40 years ago this was a career ending injury) on the absolutely first play from scrimmage in pads in fall practice...after looking at him rolling on the ground and in obvious pain for probably five seconds said...."Just get the SOB out of the way, we got some practicing to do."
I just think what the 17 have I gotten into..........just never forgot that moment....I knew the fun of football was over.
Funniest thing was HC baseball coach. During infield ball came in and hits catcher in forehead and leaves the imprint of the seams on his head...knocks him down and take a minute for him to get up. Coach asks the player if a certain player is still ugly. Catcher said "yep". Coach said "He's ok" Both are friends of mine and recently laughed about that incident. And yes he's still ugly.
We had been practicing a good while and a couple people started moaning and griping and someone said in the background "17 we are never gonna get done. " Others started chiming in letting a few words fly and then Larry Tyrone turns around and says "quit the damn cussin". I laughed so hard I cried.
I never will forget when we were stretching before practice one day and a couple of guys were giving one of our running backs hell. He had been talking about going down on some girl the night before doing the old 69. Well, Coach Duke and another assistant coach walked up and heard the conversation. Coach Duke says, "69, you should have done the old 71!". <div>Everyone started laughing hysterically! I remember always wondering what 71 meant till I found it on urban dictionary one day. Never will forget that. </div><div>
</div><div></div>
</div><div></div>
Head coach: "Boy if you don't get low, we're gonna have you on the sideline packing cotton up your ***!"
Asst. coach and RB with a pulled hammy who just had it wrapped:
Asst. coach: "How's that wrap feeling?"
RB: "Hot and tight."
Asst. coach: "That's good but most I've ever had was cold and loose."
Asst. coach and RB with a pulled hammy who just had it wrapped:
Asst. coach: "How's that wrap feeling?"
RB: "Hot and tight."
Asst. coach: "That's good but most I've ever had was cold and loose."
coach brett was trying to get our long snapper on the punt team to get it to the punter without rolling it back to him. The guy was all over the place and after skipping it to the punter coach brett had enough and yelled out "dammit david, you just killed 11 army ants and 5 blades of grass, get your *** off the field" one of the funniest things I ever heard a coach say.
no lecture. just asking to type your and you're correctly. some of you people are so damn sensitive. i don't know how you make it in the world<div>BehrDawg said:
</div><div>also, i typed your above example from a phone.<div>
</div><div>funny you go searching for people's post to try and find something. where did i get any of what i said above incorrect in that post?</div><div>thanks</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>
</div> </div>
Our coach told us that our ******** were so tight that wecouldn'tshit a single string ofspaghetti.
When Coach Sherrill had his first team meeting back in 1991 he gave a talk and then asked if anyone had any questions. One guy asked if we could have some nice wind suits to wear on game days. He said he'd look into it. He asked if anyone else had a question and then, after a pause, another guy said "Yeah coach, I'd like to get those wind suits." Without cracking a smile at all he said "What do you want me to do, **** them right here on the stage?" There were no more questions.<div>
</div><div>
</div>
</div><div>
</div>
One of the backup tight ends was running around with his head cut off. After attempting to run a ten yard hitch and getting beaned in the back of the head, Bracky drops his head as if he saw his favorite dog get smashed by an 18 wheeler, then slowly looks up and says, "Damnit Mercer (tight end), you could 17 up a wet dream."<div>
</div><div>Also a second favorite was when Bill Lee was offering up parental advise after wind sprints telling us, "watch out for girls listening to that rap music, they talking bout suckin everything up."</div>
</div><div>Also a second favorite was when Bill Lee was offering up parental advise after wind sprints telling us, "watch out for girls listening to that rap music, they talking bout suckin everything up."</div>
Gawd damnit! If you don't sack up and get moving football wont be the first thing in this life where your lazy *** will be third string! <div>
</div><div>During a game where the OL was not doing so hot.</div><div>
</div><div>Boys I'm gonna have handrails screwed onto your ***.. cause they are going to come in handy since you like everyone to be behind you!
<div>
</div><div>At a freshman RB</div><div>
</div><div>It's a SWEEP! I said a SWEEP!! If you can't grasp that simple play then that's probably what you will be doing for a living!!</div><div>
</div><div>Forget who this was to.. just remember the quote:</div><div>
</div><div>If you chase girls like you chase the football..You will probably need a shitload of lotion at your house.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div> </div>
</div><div>During a game where the OL was not doing so hot.</div><div>
</div><div>Boys I'm gonna have handrails screwed onto your ***.. cause they are going to come in handy since you like everyone to be behind you!
<div>
</div><div>At a freshman RB</div><div>
</div><div>It's a SWEEP! I said a SWEEP!! If you can't grasp that simple play then that's probably what you will be doing for a living!!</div><div>
</div><div>Forget who this was to.. just remember the quote:</div><div>
</div><div>If you chase girls like you chase the football..You will probably need a shitload of lotion at your house.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div> </div>
We were in practice & this RT couldn't block me. I was swimming inside, ripping outside & then I ripped like I was going outside & bullrushed his *** right into our QB. Standing beside the O line coach was the RT's friend who was a backup RT & a TE. The friend was trying to help the RT I had just worked over out & said "look, if u just....." The coach cuts him off & says "IF? IF? I A GD 17'n frog had wings had wings he wouldn't bump his *** everytime he jump either! Go get me some water 'sally' I'm thirsty! 17'n 'If'!" Then my D line coach walked up & said to me "listen when u get ur *** off that ball on the snap I want that m17'n QB & tackle dreaming about you tonight and when he wakes up in a cold m17'n sweat & outta breath....ur gonna be standing at the foot of his 17'n bed!" I destroyed Tupelo that night.
When I was a sophomore in HS & doing a drill for linemen it was not going so well for me so my line coach told me: Son, they're fixing to have to take you & me to the hospital. I asked why. He said "they're going to have to do major surgery to get my foot out of your ***".
One of our O-Lineman was a pretty big and pretty talented guy (for high school - went on to play Div II). But, he was also the nicest guy in the world and the OL coach didn't like it and was trying to make him meaner and just rode his *** thru the first week of 2-a-days.
Finally, OL coach shows up with a Kotex Maxi-Pad one afternoon, pulls the adhesive strip off and slapped it on the front of the nice guy's helmet and told him "If you're going to act like a *****, I'm going to treat you like one!"
Finally, OL coach shows up with a Kotex Maxi-Pad one afternoon, pulls the adhesive strip off and slapped it on the front of the nice guy's helmet and told him "If you're going to act like a *****, I'm going to treat you like one!"
to call people out for grammar mistakes (knowing you will get fired back at for it), someone pulls up an example in black and white from a previous post you made, and you throw it back at them and say "well YOU are an IDIOT for being SO sensitive." Behr didn't dish it out, but since we want to make a big deal out of this and considering the fact I DID attend MSU (mighty fine English program, I might add), I'm game. <div>
<div><div>Let's take a look at the following post together and see if this is "24 on the English portion of the ACT" quality:</div><div>
</div><div>"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">He has a kicker coming in this year. The kid from Warren central. <-(sentence fragment)He can kick the crap out of the ball.Know it's just high school <-</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">(No Subject there)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">, bur <-(spell check)he kicks it 5 to 8 yards in the end zone 98%of the time. <-(a space between '98%' and 'of')He is listed as punter <-(commas, much?) but he does it all <-(Period?)"</span></div><div><div>
</div><div>Five 5th grade mistakes in a 2 line post...</div><div>
</div><div>If we wanna get picky about "your" and "you're," let's work on getting that score up a few points first.</div> </div> </div> </div>
<div><div>Let's take a look at the following post together and see if this is "24 on the English portion of the ACT" quality:</div><div>
</div><div>"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">He has a kicker coming in this year. The kid from Warren central. <-(sentence fragment)He can kick the crap out of the ball.Know it's just high school <-</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">(No Subject there)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">, bur <-(spell check)he kicks it 5 to 8 yards in the end zone 98%of the time. <-(a space between '98%' and 'of')He is listed as punter <-(commas, much?) but he does it all <-(Period?)"</span></div><div><div>
</div><div>Five 5th grade mistakes in a 2 line post...</div><div>
</div><div>If we wanna get picky about "your" and "you're," let's work on getting that score up a few points first.</div> </div> </div> </div>
Dude gets blown up (snot bubble style)...gets up and wobbles to the sideline where the coach met him and said to him: "Boy, I guess your *****'s hurting...go put a knee pad on it and get back out there
Coach: If you gonna have sex, make sure you wear a rubber (talking to team)
Player: Yells out, but I hear they don't let you feel everything
Coach: Son, if you ever get that close, it won't matter
Player: Yells out, but I hear they don't let you feel everything
Coach: Son, if you ever get that close, it won't matter
At the end of one practice, where I miraculously had not been yelled at, he told one of his famous "stoories" and looked me in the eye. he said "Son, I haven't been on your *** today? That is bad luck. GET YO FAT *** TO LOCKER ROOM!" etc.. etc.. until I got my fat *** to the locker room.<div>DeaconBeau said:
</div><div>One more: I missed a block, he blows the whistle and saunters on over to where I am. Not really mad, he was looking more disgusted. He looked at me and said "Son, if you aren't going to make that block there is a Tuba over in the band that will fit you." He takes two steps away, turns back around and adds "with some alterations."</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>
Do you remember Coach Frazier, coached 7th (Gardner) and 8th grade(Jones)
Told us one day we were nothing but "Yellow ****"
Told us one day we were nothing but "Yellow ****"
- Status
